Hello! Please read these 6 petty revenge stories and vote each of them, your vote will help me to determine which post(s) will be published on the Tumblr blog. Thanks for your time and help :)
Story #1: Calling her “fake quitting” bluff.
This happened years ago but still makes me smile. I started working in a corporate office in a secretarial position for my first job after college. There were two older ladies who were also secretaries working in the office. One of them was just fine, but I spent most of my time sitting beside and working with Agnes. Agnes was quickly approaching retirement age but wasn’t going anywhere without a big push. This was in the days where we just started getting computers and she was absolutely hopeless. She’d pull stuff like “I can’t answer the phone – I’m on the computer.” Multi-tasking was not in this woman’s repertoire. She was super fussy, and annoying. If I ever came back from lunch 5 minutes late, she would exclaim loudly “OMG – there you are! I was wondering what had happened to you!”, making sure the whole office knew I was late. Meanwhile, she was usually late coming in in the morning, and often left early for various appointments. If I made a typo in a document, she would make sure the rest of the staff knew about it, loudly.
She tended to pout when when things didn’t go her way, and she would “quit” her job when someone pissed her off, and then my boss’s boss would talk her into staying. I’d heard about this tactic of hers and one day, our boss did something that annoyed her and she “quit” again. My boss’s boss was away that day so I had my chance. I quickly advertised and planned a big retirement party for her. It was a done deal by the end of the day. People were dropping by and congratulating her and everyone looked forward to the party. At that point, I guess she figured it was too late to pull her usual shenanigans and she actually retired. I told my boss to not bother replacing her because it was damn easy to cover the little work she actually accomplished every day.
Story #2: Shitty server demands a better tip
A couple months back, my boyfriend and I went out for drinks one night at this cool little “speakeasy” in Montreal. It’s actually quite an interesting place. You come in through a nondescript entrance and the place has a really nice vibe going on once you get inside. Note: this is one of those bars where the server comes to your table and serves the drinks rather than one where you order at the bar and take the drinks back yourself.
We were seated at our table by the server. We ordered a couple cocktails. And then a couple more, and then a couple more after that. Each time we had to order, my boyfriend or I would have to go fetch the server so he would take our order or go up to the bar, order, and then bring the drinks back ourselves.
Then, when it came time for the bill, I went up again so he would come to our table. He came and thought we were going to order again despite me clearly asking for the bill when I went up. So, he went back to get the card machine and it was another ten minutes before he was back. At this point, I was quite ticked off at the not-so-great service and was debating whether or not I should tip him. The screen had an option for 10%, 15%, 20% or “other.” I decided to just leave 10% as I wanted to avoid an argument with the server. Montreal service employees are pretty damn notorious when it comes to the expectation of tips.
Now, he prints out the receipt and takes a look at it and sees I left 10%. He then asks if we had a nice evening, to which my boyfriend responded that we did; we both thought it was just a standard question servers ask so we didn’t bother telling him about the poor service received–especially because it wouldn’t really make a difference at this point. The guy then says, “oh, well if you had such a nice time, than you should’ve left at least a 15% tip. Because, in Canada, it’s customary to leave a minimum 15% when the service is good.” I’m guessing the reason he felt the need to outline that’s how it is in Canada is because I’m a brown guy.
Now comes the petty part. I responded, “oh I didn’t know, why don’t you cancel this bill and redo it so I can tip you properly. He said sure thing, just give me a second because the manager has to approve bill cancellations. Again, we waited a good 10 minutes for him to come back with the new bill. I was happy to wait, though, because once he came back, I put in the PIN and then selected the “other” option for tip and left him 0%. He printed out the receipt and his look of disbelief was well worth it. We got up and my (white Canadian) boyfriend said, “Our only tip for you is to give better service and not be so much of an asshole. In Canada, we don’t really like assholes.”
Story #3: I absolutely LOVE people who pay with pennies!
Seriously. 4 years ago, I’m cashiering at a whacky mart on a register that holds all the smokes and alcohol. It’s 10pm and these two young men (early 20s) come up to the counter. They have three random novelty items (I don’t remember they were), but it was strange and unusual to get odd items this late at night. Maybe it was for some fraternity, I don’t know. It’s a college town so I get weird stuff from frats a lot. I scan the items and tell them their total is $22.xx.
Grinning at each other, they reach into their jackets and slam down two gallon zip-lock bags, full of only pennies. I stare them in the eye, but they didn’t even look back at me. Everyone else in line groan and went to other registers. These two kids knew what they were doing, but they didn’t know what they were in for because I prepared for this; I knew this was going to inevitably happen. I grinned with them, because I was gonna get paid during this. These pranksters are here for recreation. This convo occurs between Me, Ringleader (the other guy was silent and awkward), and a friendly coworker of mine.
Me: Is this $22.xx?
Me: Did you count it?
Me: Are you going to?
Me: Is it at least $22.xx?
Ringleader: Don’t know.
Coworker: Hey! You guys can use the self checkout. It can take all of your coins at once.
Me: Oh, don’t worry about it Cowor–
Ringleader: Nope, don’t trust them lady. (Partner laughs)
Coworker: What? Why!?
Ringleader: Doesn’t count all your change right.
Coworker: I’ve used them before. It really works!
Me: (to Coworker) I got this.
I unpacked the ziplocks and threw all the pennies on the counter. It was a beautiful, massive shitstorm of a mess. And I digged in it. I was Frank in a dumpster in ‘It’s Always Sunny’. The two, still averting my gaze, start chuckling as if they were taking away my dignity. They whisper to each other “Dude oh my God,” “Dude yeah,” “Dude, hilarious.” I counted each penny, one by one. My coworker comes up to me.
Coworker: Guess I’ll help you count this.
Me: Don’t worry about it.
(She looks at me confused. Then she puts on her ‘get down to busy’ look.)
Coworker: I got your back.
We worked up a system where we counted ten, put them in a pile, then with ten stacks of ten pennies we separated them, making $1 piles. We made progress slowly but surely. Some customers came to the line, but we advised them to get to another line. Some of them looked at us confused, but when they saw the counter full of pennies they understood. Some decided to wait, but when they realized it wasn’t going to take just a few minutes they took their leave. Another register in the liquor department opened so it wasn’t too bad for other customers. We get to about $12 (about 10min in) until I “knocked” over the piles.
Me: Oops. Sorry.
(Coworker looks at my grin. I give her a wink and tilt my head, motioning her to leave)
Coworker: You know what, I think I better let you do this.
Me: Ha, alright.
(Coworker leaves. I look at the two guys. They are absolutely stunned at the fallen piles of pennies.)
Me: (To Ringleader) Yeah, I’m going to have to count all of this again.
I started from zero. I count slower then ever, and made my way back up. The duo is entirely silent. I get to about $7, when suddenly I say:
Me: Drats. I lost count. I better start all over again.
Me: Oh yeah man.
Me: I lost count, sir. I could be in trouble if my register doesn’t have the right amount of cash, and I don’t want to rip you off.
It’s about an hour later. My manager walks past, looks at me. I smile at him, and he looks at the counter. He walks away without a word. I eventually count all the change and surprisingly they had only $18!
Me: Hmm, I think that this is $18.
(The duo has been dead silent. They look done for the night.)
Me: I’ll recount it.
I fucking recounted it.
Me: I think this is actually $19.xx.
(Without a word, the Ringleader whips out a $5)
Me: Seriously? You had cash?
Ringleader: Needed to get rid of my change.
Me. No problem. I’ll just recount this again. I want to make perfectly sure that this is $19, since I counted $18 the first time.
Ringleader: Are you kidding me?
(I shake my head no, completely serious)
He takes out a $20 bill straight out of his pocket and throws it at me. My coworker gives the biggest WHAT THE FUCK face. Internally, I die as well, because they were smart enough to have a backup plan. And the fact that he was touching his cash in his pocket the entire time kinda messed with me. I take the cash, do the transaction, give him his change, thanked him and wished him a good night. The two start to put their pennies back in the ziplock bags and I didn’t help them at all. I watched them just as how they watched me. Lots of pennies dropped to the floor, but they didn’t care to pick them up. It looked like their souls were sucked out of them. It was past midnight and I clocked out way past when I was supposed to. A lot of my coworkers gave me a thumbs up or told me good night. Even my manager told me ‘good job,’ the only two words he ever said to me. Went to bed at the dorms after such a great petty penny night and crashed. Strange to say, but I’d love to count pennies again.
TL;DR I recounted 1900 pennies like 5 times. Was it 5 times? I better count again.